Showing posts from 2008

Dream -last night (fudge monsters)

it started out on an airplane, but it was more like a party plane... the lights were really dimmed and there was loud music and people cuttin it up on the dance floor. some guy had this crazy bright bird costume on and was doing some strange interpretive bird dance that the crowd was LOVING... also, each aisle on the plane had photos of the passengers over them, right under the overhead storage bin. strange. random. next thing i know the plane starts a rapid descent, and it seems like we're flying over london. then the plane descends into a downtown area with skyscrapers and large apartment complexes. it seems like the pilot got confused and thought he was driving a car because he was actually flying down some roads (between buildings) for a while until the wings finally got knocked off. it wasn't a violent crash though, and everyone seemed OK. by the time everyone staggered out of the plane it was already dark and we were right next to some really huge park. i couldn'

i got a holiday makeover!

gosh i hope everyone likes my new look, it's totally seasonal and festive... weeee! click the image above to see the real (animated) version and to make your own...

not nececelery...

a few months back i accidentally said "not nececelery" instead of "not necessarily"... and ever since then i have to make a conscious effort to not say the celery, it's become a struggle. it's not a big deal if i let it slip out if i'm with friends, i just don't want to say it around people i work with or don't know. but i gotta say, i kind of prefer it now. it's to the point where it actually sounds wrong when i say/hear "not necessarily".

the strange man i spent two nights with...

whilst in the hospital i did have the luxury of having a private room for the first 2 days. around 2 am on the second night the nurse woke me up to let me know that someone else needed a private room more than i did, so i got moved to a shared room. luckily the rooms are divided by two huge curtains that envelope each patient's bed entirely, so there was a good amount of privacy. the guy i was with was a 44 year old black man (he looked more like 64), i don't know exactly why he was there, other than the fact that he was clearly out of his mind. but he was a quiet kind of crazy, luckily. he didn't really talk to me at all, which was fine by me. but when he did talk he was really slow, probably due to sedatives he was on. the curtains were hung so they came up about 2 feet from the floor, so when mister crazy would get out of bed i could see his feets moving around... going to the bathroom (where he wouldn't bother to close the door, lift the seat or flush the bowl)

the mysterious case of the swollen colon...

for the past few years now i've been having issues with gas and bloating after just about every meal. i decided to start seeing a GI doctor to try and figure out what the hell was wrong with my gut, why it was being such a bitch to me. we did a few stool samples but didn't really get anywhere, so he suggested i get a colonoscopy to see how things looked up prep for a colonoscopy you have to fast the day before, and the evening before you must drink about 2 gallons of a mixture designed to cleanse your system, after a few hours of drinking this nasty drink i was pissing clear liquid out of my arse. and i was HUNGRY! next day i went in for the colonoscopy around noon and all went smoothly. i got home by around 2 and found it strange that i wasn't really hungry, i just figured it was the sedatives i had taken or maybe my stomach had just shrunken. i ate a few little things, like a bowl of cereal, a granola bar and a slice of bread with pumpkin butter on it (gooooood

when i fart at work...

so if i'm sitting at my desk at work and i let one slip... i turn on my little overhead desk fan, then i whip out a little brown bag filled with loose-leaf chai tea from my desk and wave it around like a madman... and usually hold it in front of the fan for a hot minute. in case anyone was wondering.

German Training Video

oh man... it's pretty long, but trust me... it's worth it.

tony's first tattoo [updated]

so i finally gone and done it... i ran out and got some ink this weekend. i've had some ideas for tattoos for years now, and not once did it ever really dawn on me that it would hurt. i mean, i'm aware that tattoos hurt, but never really thought about how much or what kind of pain. not until i was laying on the table and the artist turned on the electric needle. it was like some kind of revelation to me, like, "oh shit, this is gonna hurt". of course i had to play it cool and stay calm and act like i was fine, but i wanted to cry like a little girl. ok, it wasn't THAT bad, but there were times when i wanted to scream. i've heard (after) that the calf is a pretty tender spot, i can't compare it to any other spot yet, but i'll agree. anyway, here's the tattoo so far, i gotta go back on october 1st to get it colored. since it was my first i didn't realize it's customary to tip the artist, now i feel like a douche. i'm going back tomorrow

cat in the room! CAT IN THE ROOM!!!

so this morning, around 7am i wake to the sound of a group of crows cawing like crazy outside of my window. the cawing got louder and i noticed there was a strange kind of squeaking noise coming from inside of my room too. i decided to get up and see what the hell was going on. as i got close to the window (blinded without my glasses) a dark shadowy creature jumped from the windowsill and ran to my closed bedroom door. for some reason it didn't startle me, and i blurted out, "cat in the room! CAT IN THE ROOM!!" as if i was yelling out the winning answer on a game show. so i turned on the lights and then i noticed that he was so grateful for me letting him in that he decided to leave me a gift, in the form of urine on my carpet. thank you kitty. he stood by my door meowing frantically and i knew exactly what he wanted. this was the cat that we've seen from our kitchen window going into our neighbors window, apparently he's been coming and going from our kitchen w

groundhogs day...

i think i'm stuck in some sort of timeloop. i've realized that for the past 3 days (at least) when i've left work this same guy has been parking his car in the same parking area (row of spots) in almost the same manner. and by "manner" i mean piss-poor parking job. like, backing up REALLY slowly and not quite fitting and then slowly pulling out and repeating, while the whole time blocking all the traffic behind him due to the parked trolleys in the middle of the street. it's pretty funny to watch and a pretty standard example of SF drivers. but the weird thing is that EVERY time i've left work (at different times too) i'll walk by him as his car is half out in the lane blocking traffic, like so: if he's there again tomorrow i'm gonna freak out... or maybe i'll just get in the passenger seat.

my pee is neon green...

i think it's due to the medication i was taking for the past few days. the reason i was taking medication is that when i returned my stool sample to my doctor he found some blastocystis crawling around in my poop. so hopefully (for everyone around me) after this medication runs it's course on my guts i'll stop having copious amounts of flatulence...

possibly the coolest thing i've done in my life...

was to make this sweet ringtone, well i use it more as a texttone... but yea, i get a boner every time i get a text message. i found a laser gun noise on some website, but it was kind of shitty, just one PEEWWW noise. so i took the file into audacity and duplicated it a few times, shortened some parts and added some fades. i was able to send it to my phone in a text and then save it as a ringtone. feel free to do the same if you want to...


i finally went to disneyland! i sported a sweet moustache and rotten goatee too. we got there at about 8am and didn't leave until after 6pm... it was around 85 degrees all day, and we rode on just about every ride that's worth riding... so we were all pretty much zombies by the time we left. but it was pretty damn fun... i think my favorite was space mountain, as evident by this photo:

i pooped in my trash can...

so i went to see a gastro-intestinal doctor about my increasingly annoying stomach issues. he took some blood for some tests and also wanted me to give him a stool sample... i knew he was going to make that request, but i was still dreading it. if you've never had the privilege of giving a stool sample you might wonder exactly how to go about it. for instance, do you just drop some logs in the toilet, then go at it with a knife and fork, or reach in with some gloves on?!? or maybe you just press the little cup against your butt and squeeze a little turd directly into it. it turns out that neither approach will suffice. the nuggets can't touch water, and they expressly state, "do not defecate directly into specimen cup". this was my approach: i made sure i was the only one home. i emptied my little waste basket that resides in my room and put in a new used plastic shopping bag. i took that and a t-shirt to the bathroom. i pulled my head through the neck of the shi

the kokgoblin...

this is my last posting about spore... i promise.i just had to share this video of my most perverse creature that i've created (so far). and also, here's where you can see the tons of other creatures that have alerady been created [sporepedia] . isn't he precious?!?


i've never been much of a hypochondriac, but for some reason i have been obsessed with getting my (11) silver fillings removed from my face, and replaced with some other junk. the silver fillings are half mercury, which is pretty deadly shit. i've been doing too much reading on the internets and getting myself all scared that my teeth are killing me, so i'm talking to some fancy dentist about getting them replaced, for some peace of mind.

from my psychotic ex, with love

after posting that audio clip (previous entry) i remembered that there's another audio clip that i've been meaning to put on my blog. some back story is in order, but it's a bit funnier and confusing if you hear the clip first... [back story] it was in 1999, i was in the army and stationed in fort sill oklahoma.i was dating a girl that was also in the army, and in the same unit (office) as me. i was really smitten for her. after about 6 months of dating she went completely out of her mind. entirely unprovoked, she would do such sweet things to me, like: punching me in the face, attacking me with hard/heavy/sharp objects, biting me hard enough to draw blood, and once she even punched me in the balls & spit in my face... WHILE I WAS DRIVING! and she would often threaten to kill herself, mainly if i tried to break up with her. i had to wait until the army sent her to korea to finally be freed from her evil grasp. i actually waited until she was IN korea to break u

Dmitri- the stud [updated]

UPDATE: it looks like this is all over the internet today... i thought i had some privileged information... :( From a friend of a friend: "Okay guys here is the info on this voicemail. One of my friend's from work and her friend were out one night in the SF Marina district and were hanging outside of the bars trying to find a cab. One of the girl's, Olga ends up meeting this guy Dmitri and they talk for at the most 2 minutes. She hands him her business card and says call me. Well attached is the actual voicemail that this guy left her. Wait till you hear it you will be laughing so hard you'll fall out of your chair."

spore creature creator

for some reason or another i've been boreder than usual at work, and there's only so many things to look up on the internet... so i installed the spore creature creator here at work and have probably spent about 5 hours on it yesterday and today... it's pretty amazing how many different things you can make... i think this dude is my favorite so far... can't. stop. making. creatures...

dream last nite... SF quake... total devastation

i had another dream last nite involving earthquakes & flooding in san francisco... this has to be about the eighth one i've had. here's what happened this time: alice and i had just arrived at some bar/comedy-club and i set my man-bag down on a bench off to the side while we waited to be seated. i was pacing around the venue checking out the wall stuffs (i remember the interior being almost entirely red) when i felt a bit wobbly and stopped walking to see whether it was me or the ground under me that was unstable. i realized it was an earthquake and luckily i was right next to the door. i looked over and saw alice standing there looking really panicked so i called out to her, then ran over and grabbed her by the arm and fled out into the parking lot where we latched onto a fence-post. the ground was swaying for a while, it wasn't violently shaking, it seemed more like a gentle rolling. i looked over and saw the venue that we just left crumble and slide down the slope


who wants to help me create a throw pillow that looks like an octopus?? i'm envisioning a beefy body with stubby little tentacles with soft rings on the bottom for suckers... and some sort of cute/ugly/strange face... along the lines of one of those ugly dolls , only with a different style... for some reason the "octopillowpus" popped into my head last nite, and i thought it had a good "marketable" ring to it... i'd have one on my couch!

holy f*cking cute!

loren & erik's puppy stella & alice's (not a puppy) olive being cute as hell on my couch.

snowboarding hurts...

i've always wanted to try snowboarding and/or skiing, and i finally went snowboarding this past weekend. i think i did pretty well for my first time, although we pretty much stayed on the beginner slopes. the board i borrowed from alice's roommate was a bit too small , so i'm gonna go ahead and use that as an excuse for several of my falls. i landed so hard (on my ass) from one of my spills that i felt my innards jiggle. alice's friend danny hooked us up with the hotel and also coached us, since he used to be a ski/snowboard instructor. i brought my camera out and figured i'd have danny get some video of me and alice going down the slope... why not?!? so as i shoot past danny for my snowboarding video debut i had my attention on danny (to ham it up for the camera) and then i decided that i should pay some attention to where i'm going and realized i'm headed right for some dude strolling around on his skis. since i have no real skills i couldn't reall

aliens are really humans from the future!!!!!! OMG!!!!!

i've obviously been watching too much sci-fi, or playing too many video-games... but if someone were to ask me where i stand on the topic of "aliens"... it kind of goes along with the movie "12 monkeys", where humanity is at the brink of extinction and resort to time travel in order to go back and find a resolution/cure to whatever is exterminating us. except in "12 monkeys" they were only traveling back from not too far into the future... the aliens that people have reportedly encountered are probably from thousands/millions of years into the future... since they're so drastically different looking. "aliens" are what we're going to evolve into... just as we've evolved from apes, we're going to evolve into short, skinny, hairless, huge-eyed, telepathic bipeds... update: i did some googling and of course this isn't a new idea.

foot poop

about a week ago me and the roommates were watching tv in my room... during the commercials there was a product that was advertised to remove a lot of harmful toxins from your body. the way it's supposed to work: you put a big adhesive pad that has a little packet of unknown (magic) white material on the bottom of your foot and go to sleep... and BAM! you wake up in the morning feeling renewed and "toxin" free! i really love these "alternative medicine" products that get released, like those magnet therapy belts/bracelets from a few years ago... i should start collecting them and become superhuman... so, yesterday my roommate lesley went to japantown and randomly found some japanese versions of this product, so we gave them a whirl... i slept with them on my feet last night. when i put the little pads on my feet they were white, when i woke up this morning... they were brown, kind of like a small dirty diaper. and i think it sucked out some blood!! h

looks like she's quittin'

two nites ago i asked my sister if she was planning on finishing this semester at city college. she replied with, "i dunno, i have to talk to mommy". of course she wouldn't explain what that meant or what they were going to discuss. so i asked her again last nite, knowing that she spoke with the mothership during the day. and she said she was going to leave as soon as my folks got her a plane ticket. i really think that if i didn't pry it out of her she probably wouldn't have told me until she was on her way to the airport. i'm pretty disappointed in her decision and also a tad pissed about the wasted effort & money, but also a bit glad to have my room back.

ridiculous or genius?

i was just doing my laundry (more like yawndry...) and while i was folding my clothes this old asian man off to my side starts laying down newspapers on the ground in front of the dryers. at first i thought maybe he had to drop a mean deuce and had run out of options, or maybe he's a crazy and he's making a nest for the nite... it turned out that i was wrong. apparently he was just laying down a protective layer so that if he dropped any clothes while taking them out of the dryer they wouldn't land on the floor. which made me realize that yea, i do kind of hate when i drop a sock and it lands on the floor, i almost feel like i've lost a battle of some sort. but at the same time i think that the laying of the protective newspaper-nest is just a bit too much. i mean, maybe i would use this technique if our laundromat ( laundryworld ) was in the tenderloin, or just plain nasty... maybe if i run into that guy in the laundromat again i'll make my own little nest..

the internet frightens me sometimes....

i get bored at work a lot... so i use stumbleupon to entertain myself... most of the time i find random garbage, sometimes really cool shit... and then sometimes i find things like this... that just freak the shit out of me...

i'm going to change my name to hank

apparently "anthony" is an incredibly hard name to spell... i'm fairly used to people putting down "antony", that's pretty common and doesn't bother me at all... but over the past few years there's been a few highlights that i'd like to ramble on about. the first one was about 2 years ago, some woman that i called for work related reasons had to send me a fax. she asked me my name to put on the coversheet, i replied with, "anthony". i get the fax a bit later and on the coversheet is "abbeny"... wtf?!? that's nowhere close... and if that was a real name i think it'd be a girl's name... the next one was at KFC, they ask your name for when your order is ready. again, i gave my name, then when i get my order and look at what was on the receipt to find "anotheny"... while it's funny when said out-loud, it's pretty far off. the most recent one was 2 days ago, same scenario only this time at

i'm not getting up, just pee between my legs...

i'm sure lots of people have memories from their childhood that seem like they're "normal" occurrences, until one day you tell the story of said memory to a friend or group of friends. in some cases, as you tell the story you begin to realize, even before your friends react, that maybe you should have kept the story to yourself. it's usually at this point that you realize you've got a priceless little gem on your hands. my little gem: i must have been 6 or 7 and my brother around 8... he was pooping in the only bathroom at our grandparent's house. i had to pee REALLY badly, and was knocking on the door asking him to hurry up. i don't remember the details too well, but i'm guessing he just refused to hasten his pooping, most likely out of spite or pure evilness. since the door didn't lock very well i just jiggled the knob and opened the door and tried to get him to hurry (since nobody likes an audience while pooping), but this tactic didn&

sister status update

so it's been just about 3 weeks since danni arrived... so how are things going so far??good and not-so-good... on the good side: she's been going to school everyday (as far as i know) and she's made a few friends. she's also been applying to some jobs... the bad stuff: she really only speaks when spoken to, or when she wants something, and seems to put on this whole "i'm helpless, do everything for me" act that must have been working on my parents for the past rest-of-her-life. i ask her to do something around the house like do the dishes or take out the garbage, or clean something and i usually get, "not right now" as the response. of course that translates to "no".my only other real gripe that is REALLY getting on my nerves is her listening to music or watching tv on her laptop while i'm watching tv or playing a video game... apparently it's too much for her to put on headphones for me... she really has no idea


so i got erik a taser (and this ) for his birthday and started to really wonder what it felt like to be tased... so i asked alice to hit me with a few times to see what it's all about. this one was rated at 300,000,000 volts, but i bought it in chinatown so i doubt it's quality. so here's a short video (edited with some sweet transitions) of what happened:

you're a weird one..

so, i was hanging out at my friend's places a few months back... i went to change the channel on her tv and found this: after i was done with my laughing fit i tried to get some answers... she just said that she had an empty zip-lock bag laying around... that's it...

happy baby!!

my boss left a card on my desk for me to sign while i was at lunch. one of our coworkers (who lives in kentucky) just had a baby girl (well his wife did). so by the time the card comes to me it's been around the office and about 6 other people have written their well-wishes on it. so now all the standard entries have been made, which means I'd have to rehash one of those or try and think of something that's not TOO personal or TOO funny or TOO strange. but then again, when they read the card they won't know who wrote which entry first... so much pressure... so my idea was to just write, "Happy Baby!!!" and sign my name... but i think that's a bit too funny (or retarded), and i'm not sure if this guy or his family have a sense of humor at all... i ended up taking the lame road and putting, "congratulations on your new addition!". weak.

not again... return of the tsunami dreams

seriously... this is just plain freaky... i had ANOTHER tsunami-hits-san francisco dream last night... this is like the 5th or 6th one i've had in the last six months or so... i remember seeing some random beach front homes that had been ripped up and relocated over about 200 yards to the left of their position.. then i woke up to some rumbling... roamed outside in my undies and saw lots of asian people running around looking panicked... i saw splashes of water coming over the hill (i was at the bottom of a hill) and the splashes started getting bigger, so i tried climbing into some large compartment in the side of a fire-engine... then it ended...

d-day: arrival of the sistership

my 19 year old sister (danni) is arriving today. she's moving out of my folks place in NJ to live with me and go to college out here. the only real downside to this endeavor is the fact that we're going to be sharing my room for the time being, at least until she gets a job and seems committed to staying here. this could be a nightmare, or it could be a fun slumber-party every night... i'm nervous as hell... i just hope i'm not too anal or overbearing... and i hope she's got a good attitude.

cult of the dry-sneeze

the soul of the sneeze is born in the depths of the human lung... the sneeze evacuates the lungs and any bad things therein... i don't think the point of the (magical) sneeze is to expel saliva... that's just a nasty (but avoidable) by-product... just follow these easy steps and you too can be a dry-sneezer!! 1. sense an impending sneeze approaching 2. breathe slower, but deeper, to give yourself a few more seconds before impact 3. swallow as much saliva as quickly as possible 4. enjoy the beauty of the dry-sneeze