so i went to see a gastro-intestinal doctor about my increasingly annoying stomach issues. he took some blood for some tests and also wanted me to give him a stool sample... i knew he was going to make that request, but i was still dreading it. if you've never had the privilege of giving a stool sample you might wonder exactly how to go about it. for instance, do you just drop some logs in the toilet, then go at it with a knife and fork, or reach in with some gloves on?!? or maybe you just press the little cup against your butt and squeeze a little turd directly into it. it turns out that neither approach will suffice. the nuggets can't touch water, and they expressly state, "do not defecate directly into specimen cup". this was my approach: i made sure i was the only one home. i emptied my little waste basket that resides in my room and put in a new used plastic shopping bag. i took that and a t-shirt to the bathroom. i pulled my head through the neck of the shirt
