Wednesday, May 4, 2005

did i f up??

ok, so i just broke up with alice... and i'm not even totally sure why... i keep saying that i'm tired of being in a relationship, and that i need some room to breath. which i think is true, but i guess i just needed time to myself, and i'm just not ready to be as committed as we were. i mean it really felt like our whole lives were revolving around each other, neither of us really hung out with anyone else, and that was really great for a while, it's what i thought i wanted... i mean, i could have easily said, "hey, lets not spend so much time together"... but after a year together, it's kind of silly to start taking things backwards, and i guess if i'm feeling these feelings it's a sign that i'm not ready for this deep of a commitment... but holy shit do i miss her... i keep going over it in my head wondering if i did the right thing by letting her go... and the worst part is that she told me she probably wont ever speak to me again... i mean, i didnt want her out of my life... i just didnt want to be in a relationship anymore... man, this is like one big ramble... i need to put some thought into things before i start writing... eat crap...

Thursday, March 31, 2005

work work work... (not really)

usually i get really excited when the bosses are out of town... but not lately... ive been having a hard time keeping myself occupied... i'm not sure why it seems that i have no work... cuz i do... i think... and this posting itself proves i have nothing going on... im just rambling about not having anything to do... i need a hobby... something to look forward to...

Thursday, March 3, 2005

HOLY BOREDOM!!!

sweet jesus... i'm so bored today at work... i cant even think of anything to keep myself occupied... i wish i had CoH on my computer here... i could easily kill a few hours... i'm sure if i tried i could find something to do (work-wise)... i've already checked all my news sites like 4 times, checked teh coh site, looked into buying lots of different things and talking myself out of doing so... i really dont feel like drawing anything... i think i want to blame coffee... i think it gets me hyped up in the AM... then drops me hard in the PM... im gonna drink tea tomorrow morning i think... instead of going cold-turkey from the caffeine...

ok enough of that... sooo... i finally got hired at my job as of feb 14th... finally some financial stability... now i just need to figure out what im gonna do with my life... like how long am i gonna stay in SF... how much longer can i stomach living with a complete slob... just thinking of him makes me peel away the flesh on my fingers until i bleed...

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

news junky...

ok, so i've realized i have a (fairly) new obsession... i check the news on my homepage (my.yahoo.com) CONSTANTLY... i'll go check it like once an hour to make sure i've read every article that gets posted... i also check slashdot.org way too much... i need a new hobbie.. i havent really played any video games since i've been back from jersey... which i guess is a good thing... i hung out with the claudia last nite... ate some indian food and then whooped her in scrabble (225 to 150)... got plans to hit chinatown with loren tonite... prolly pick up a blade of some sort... i think i should change my profile pic on this thing... that mustache pic is prolly scaring off alot of people... ok, i think i'm out of random thoughts for now... i'll prolly go check slashdot after this... or maybe i should actually do some work... i am getting paid for being here... hmmmm....

Friday, January 7, 2005

see... i suck at keeping a journal...

ok, i think my last post was in like october... i could easily look and see exactly when, but that's way too much work... speaking of which, i'm at work right now... listening to CCR on the cd player/radio/alarm thing that sue gave me for xmas... i just spent a good 11 days in the NJ for the holidays, which in my opinion was too long... next time will be for about 5-7 daysish... people work, or have their own lives nowadays... even danni was always out... if she could pry herself off of the computer for more than 5 minutes... i'm still dating alice, still working at GATX, still going to City college, speaking of which, i need to take another class... i've been feeling like somethings missing lately... like i need a career change maybe... or some other major change in my life... maybe move out like i've been thinking of doing... but the only real reason i'd move is to not live with a slob... bah!! anyway... im still waiting to get hired permanently at GATX... maybe i'll send Eileen an email today asking whats up with that... oh, and i've been making outrageous claims that something "catastrophic" (to quote yetim from earlier today) is gonna happen this year (2005)... i'm hoping its something involving aliens or zombies... or both... but i dont think thats gonna be it... it'll prolly be something lame like a comet or earthquake... and dont get me wrong, i dont WANT this to happen... well maybe i want the alien thing to happen... but i dont want any kind of massive destruction and death... i just have some weird feeling... ok, im starting to sound like a lunatic... ok, hopefully when i hit the enter button this will post...