Tuesday, April 26, 2011

scoot! scoot!

i bought a used scooter from craigslist about a month ago, i wanted one that had some battle damage, so i wouldn't care as much if i added some of my own. which i did. i had my first accident on friday, it wasn't too serious though. some european tourist made a left into the lane i was in, we collided, my scooter & i hit the ground and slid for maybe 10 feet. i landed on my ride side, so my hip on that side has been sore, but strangely my left shoulder has been REALLY hurting. anyway, i called my folks (it was easter) and told them about my accident, as i was getting off the phone my mom requested that i send her a picture of my scooter.
as i was going through my photos on my phone i came across this one & thought that they'd find it amusing. so i sent it, immediately followed by "just kidding", and then a real photo of me on my scooter (but for some reason only this image went through):



a few minutes later my father calls me back, pissed-off, yelling "what the hell is wrong with you?!?" and "you can't really be driving that on the street!?" and "are you sick in the head?!?". i started cackling and asked how many pictures they got from me...   he said "just the one...  why?"
it kind of blew my mind that they really thought that i was commuting to work on that.
in their defense, they're using an old-school flip-phone.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

brotherly love

i had a few dreams last night that seemed to revolve around the theme of "fear of loss". but the one that really stood out involved my brother, lou.
apparently we were sharing an apartment somewhere. i came home from work and he was asleep, half hanging off of a mattress that was plopped on the floor in a corner of the room, surrounded by junk. i happened to look over at my tv, but it wasn't my current 40" hdtv, it was some radio-shack special 10" black & white tv. i flew into a rage because i knew that lou had probably sold the tv in order to buy a ham sandwich and figured that i wouldn't notice the different tv that he had placed in it's stead. i jumped on his back demanding to know what he did with it, but he just responded with "i don't know what you're talking about", in his typical "lou voice". my punches didn't seem to stir the beast...   so i grabbed some nearby phone-cord and wrapped it around his neck, demanding answers! i rode him like a bucking bronco for a minute or two, trying to find out who he had sold it to, hoping that i could still somehow recover it. i didn't get any information out of him, possibly because he couldn't breathe? that's about all that i can remember.

it was more about the betrayal and theft that outraged me, more than losing my beloved tv.
(no offense lou)

Friday, January 7, 2011

whisky from a pickle shot-glass

rumor on the streets is that all the cool kids are doing "picklebacks", which is a shot of whisky (usually jameson or old crow) followed by a shot of pickle juice. i thought i'd take it a step further and dig a hole in a pickle and use it as the shot-glass. screw the juice, i want the whole thing! i had some freakishly small spoons laying aroud, they worked well for digging said hole in the kosher dill. i poured a little makers mark in and i took the shot...   then immediately ate the shot-glass.

sadly, it did not taste well. when i hit safeway to get the components i wasn't aware of the preferred whisky drinks, so i just got my old standby; which i'm blaming for the failure of this experiment.
i'll give this another go when i get my hands on another bottle of whisky. hopefully the outcome will be much deliciouser.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

midnight rat attack!

sometime in 2004...
at the time i had a bunk-bed in my room, the more mature kind, with a futon on the bottom and a mattress up top. nick and i were hanging out in my room watching movies (and probably smoking the herb) into the wee hours of the night. nick passed out on the futon section, and i climbed up and went to sleep on the upper deck.

a few hours later, asleep on my side, i feel something rubbing against my belly. half awake, i froze to see if i felt it again. there it was again!! the first thing that sprang to mind was, "oh my god! there's a rat in my bed climbing around on me!!!". so i quickly jumped up and grabbed it with my left hand and squeezed it as hard as i possibly could. the struggle between me and this monster caused the bed to sway...  nick sits up and asks in a panicked voice, "oh my god, is there an earthquake???". that's about when i realized what was attacking while i slumbered. i had fallen asleep on my right arm, causing it to go completely numb..    i was trying to kill my right hand.

Monday, December 27, 2010

pretty hilarious/creepy xmas card

my friend iris and her boyfriend put this together. well played...

Saturday, November 6, 2010

the most delicious dust

my friend joe told me about something strange that he used to do when he was about 4 years old...

when his mother would cook spaghetti, little joey would get too hungry to wait, so she'd give him a few strands of dry pasta to tide him over, but he wasn't satisfied with just eating the pasta strands on their own. he'd go around the house and find collections of dust and use the pasta to wipe up/collect the dust as if using a tiny little squeegee...   then he'd eat the dust encrusted spaghetti strands. however, not content with the flavors of the dust he'd found, he set out to find the tastiest dust in the house (i didn't ask, but i'll pretend that this took him years to do). after further dust deposit samplings, he concluded that the most delicious dust resided on the lower shelf of the end-table next to the couch in their living room. and from then on, that was his main source of dietary dust.
i can't imagine why that dust would be any tastier...   but i kind of want a taste now.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

AHWOOOO!!

i've decided my side project for the time being will be creating drawing of people i know combined with animals/creatures...    i'm aiming for funny and/or creepy.

behold, wolfnick!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

antosaurus rex

i'm so angry 'cause i have these useless little arms!!


Thursday, September 30, 2010

the battle at laundryworld

i wouldn't say that doing laundry is stressful, boring as shit, but not stressful, EXCEPT when it comes time to match up the socks. when i begin pairing them up i wonder how many socks are going to be left without a partner. at this point i start feeling like a platoon leader who has just lead his troops out of an ambush, only to realize that some of his soldiers didn't make it.
 ...we had crossed the ridge and those commie bastards sprang up outta nowhere, we didn't stand a chance, we had no choice but to retreat and regroup. the platoon fell back to the rendezvous point and that's when it hit me...  we'd lost taylor (blue argyle sock) and hernandez (black ankle sock). i scoured the battlefield (washer/dryer) and found no trace of them anywhere...   maybe they're still alive out there, maybe charlie is torturing them deep in some bunker, or maybe they're gone forever...    
missing socks...   you're lost, but not forgotten.