cult of the dry-sneeze

the soul of the sneeze is born in the depths of the human lung... the sneeze evacuates the lungs and any bad things therein... i don't think the point of the (magical) sneeze is to expel saliva... that's just a nasty (but avoidable) by-product...

just follow these easy steps and you too can be a dry-sneezer!!
1. sense an impending sneeze approaching
2. breathe slower, but deeper, to give yourself a few more seconds before impact
3. swallow as much saliva as quickly as possible
4. enjoy the beauty of the dry-sneeze

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

whisky from a pickle shot-glass

Image
rumor on the streets is that all the cool kids are doing "picklebacks", which is a shot of whisky (usually jameson or old crow) followed by a shot of pickle juice. i thought i'd take it a step further and dig a hole in a pickle and use it as the shot-glass. screw the juice, i want the whole thing! i had some freakishly small spoons laying aroud, they worked well for digging said hole in the kosher dill. i poured a little makers mark in and i took the shot...   then immediately ate the shot-glass. sadly, it did not taste well. when i hit safeway to get the components i wasn't aware of the preferred whisky drinks, so i just got my old standby; which i'm blaming for the failure of this experiment. i'll give this another go when i get my hands on another bottle of whisky. hopefully the outcome will be much deliciouser.
Read more

the battle at laundryworld

Image
i wouldn't say that doing laundry is stressful, boring as shit, but not stressful, EXCEPT when it comes time to match up the socks. when i begin pairing them up i wonder how many socks are going to be left without a partner. at this point i start feeling like a platoon leader who has just lead his troops out of an ambush, only to realize that some of his soldiers didn't make it.  ...we had crossed the ridge and those commie bastards sprang up outta nowhere, we didn't stand a chance, we had no choice but to retreat and regroup. the platoon fell back to the rendezvous point and that's when it hit me...  we'd lost taylor (blue argyle sock) and hernandez (black ankle sock). i scoured the battlefield (washer/dryer) and found no trace of them anywhere...   maybe they're still alive out there, maybe charlie is torturing them deep in some bunker, or maybe they're gone forever...     missing socks...   you're lost, but not forgotten.
Read more