Tuesday, December 22, 2009

please... call me, anothenu.

this happens to me way too often...
i think this one might be my favorite so far... ANOTHENU!!

i'm really not this nasty!!

i'm starting to suspect that there are some sort of crumb goblins that come out after hours and sprinkle crumbs all over my keyboard...





Friday, December 11, 2009

floating heads

this is a painting i did a few years back... it's depicting the time my dad claimed that he saw a couple of heads floating outside of our living room window.



Wednesday, October 7, 2009

the return of the danni!!

my wee-little sister and her boyfriend are arriving today. i'm not entirely sure if she's coming out here to visit me (for a week) of if she just wanted to bring her bf here for a vacation... i've told her that i'll hang out with them, but not to expect me to play tour-guide. mainly since i previously paid all the expenses for her to move here with me to go to school and that only lasted six weeks. so yea, i'm a bit jaded by that whole experience, but i'm down to spend time with them if they want me to, but i don't want to feel responsible for showing her (or him) a good time. they're both in their early 20's and fully capable of planning their own vacation activities. i feel like i'm trying to justify this to myself...

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

"you see me over here with electric and you don't dare ask"

the law told my parents that they needed to remove a power line that went from their house to the patio on the backyard. they said they'd be back in a few days and would fine my dad if it wasn't done. my dad decided to remove the wire with an old pair of all metal wire cutters during a lull in a pretty nasty lightning storm. to his credit he did turn off the circuit breaker, although he wasn't entirely sure that it was the correct one. i decided to record him in the event that he did get electrocuted. it would be a waste of a perfectly good electrocution if others weren't able to enjoy it afterward. i'm not saying i want the old man to die... just take a bit of a zap.
the best part is what my grandma is saying to him the whole time.

Monday, August 24, 2009

even his eye-patch is leather!!


so i was on the bus this past saturday heading home from the mission and this guy sits across from me. if you can't tell, he's wearing leather pants, leather gloves, a leather jacket, a camo hat, a pencil-thin mustache and (my favorite) a green & black leather eye-patch. i discreetly took the picture, since i'm sure he would have stabbed me in the face had i asked his permission.
i'm also fairly certain that if he ever stumbles across this blog i'll be hunted down and murdered.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

standby for mind control...

i've been on a kick lately of making sound clips into ringtones and texttones. this one is from the time bandits film, i haven't decided what i'm going to use it for yet. maybe just for when jonny calls.



Here's another one i did recently from it's always sunny in philadelphia.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

"how do you think people get things?!?" - my dad, on credit-card fraud

it was around christmas time in the year 2000, or 2001. my immediate family has never been very well off financially and there seemed to be an abundance of nieces and nephews that my parents had to buy gifts for this year. if you don't know my parents, they aren't the most law-abiding members of society... they caught wind of the fact that i had become the proud owner of a few credit cards while i was in the army.
a few weeks before xmas my dad starts joking around telling me to just buy a bunch of gifts with one of my credit cards and call the next day saying that i had lost my card... followed by, "i'm just kidding". then, about a week before xmas and after about 10 more "jokes" about cc fraud both of my parents basically start telling me that i'm going to ruin christmas if i don't commit credit card fraud. that's when my dad said, "how do you think people get things?!?", as if EVERYONE does it all the time or something. and like i was a fool for not being in the know. so yea, i did it... it went smoothly and i even got a PS2 out of it. still, the paranoia and guilt from it wasn't worth it.
oh, and then a few years later my dad opened a credit card under my name and maxed it out. luckily they only gave him (me) a $500 limit.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

the spit collector


there's this guy i see on the bus riding to work with me on most mornings. he's a fairly normal looking guy; probably in his mid-30's, wears sunglasses most days, has dark hair that he keeps slicked back, average height, business-casual. a while ago i noticed he would often make strange/loud snorting and throat-clearing noises. not abnormal, but after he does it every 1-2 minutes on a 25 minute bus ride from 1 foot away from you, it starts getting on your nerves.

one of these morning as i was looking at him with disdain out of the corner of my eye i noticed that he kept bringing his hand to his mouth when he would do his cough/snort/clearing thing. i kind of assumed he was just being courteous and covering his mouth. a week or so later and we're on the same bus again, within feet of each other, and i'm seeing his whole routine from a different angle. it turns out he's not just covering his cough, this is what he's REALLY doing:

he puts his hand to his mouth as if he's holding a whistle that he's about to blow, then he makes his throat noises and spits some saliva or phlegm out of his mouth onto his lower lip, then quickly snatches it up with his thumb/index finger and proceeds to wipe it on the inside of his pants pocket. and he does this A LOT.
maybe he does have some strange medical condition that causes a crazy amount of mucous to build up in his throat... i dunno.. but it's fucking gross.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

amsterdam, or not to amsterdam?

the only real reason i'm hesitating on going is the cost...   for some reason i find it hard to shell out (probably) about 2k for a trip, but i really should do it. i mean, when else will i have a good friend already over there that knows the area and would be a great tour-guide/travel-buddy. but on the other side of the coin, maybe i'm over-thinking things again, but i also imagine that i'll feel a little... behind? it's just that joe and the people who would be joining us have been living there for a year and are comfortable with the peoples and currency and ways to travel, and i'm going to be feeling totally lost and a bit left out. not that i think they're going to call me "dead weight" and leave me in a ditch on the side of the road, but yea... i over-think things.
i'm also wondering if the new-found anxiety i've gained over the past year will cause me to be cranky and anxious; or if maybe the trip will distract me from all the nonsense going on in my head. speaking of which, i'm never really consciously anxious about anything. i think i have more of a sub-conscious anxiety issue. maybe i should try hypno-therapy.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Dream -saturday night

this weekend i had a few strange dreams, sadly i only remembered chunks here and there for the most part, not really enough to write about. i just thought i'd share this one particular chunk that stuck out quite vividly:

i was in the den of my grandparent house, which is where the door to the basement is located. meanwhile in the outside world there was a zombie plague spreading like wildfire. i'm not sure who i was with, what we were doing, or what our plan was. i just know we were hunkered down in the den, hopefully formulating a plan.

then, out of nowhere a child-zombie busts open the basement door and makes a mad dash at one of us. we somehow managed to subdue him and then we did the next logical thing... we wrapped him tightly in paper-mache. surprisingly this worked really well, and he looked sort of like a zombie/mummy statue. next, it was decided that we needed to find a way to get information from our captive. although i'm not sure what we hoped to learn, other than, "ME WANT BRAAAAIIIIINS!!".

since zombies aren't all that articulate, one of us thought it would be a great idea to wad up some tissues and stick them into his nostrils. after letting the tissues stew in there for a few minutes we would remove them and decipher the meaning of the snots, as if they were egyptian hieroglyphics...   because that makes TOTAL sense.

that's about when i woke up.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

taser wallet

i was just daydreaming about traveling to europe in the summer-time. then i started thinking about how a friend of mine was saying there's been a lot of muggings and other dickish things going on to travelers. then i started thinking of how i'd keep my goods secure, maybe one of those around-the-neck wallets that hide under your shirt, and maybe even keep a decoy wallet in my back pocket with some old canceled credit cards and a few bucks...
THEN i naturally started thinking it would be cool if this wallet had a small remote activated explosive charge in it, so after i handed it to mister mugger i could reach in my pocket, press a button, and watch his hand explode. but that just seems a little impractical/illegal. but maybe a wallet that was leather with strips of brushed metal on it (fashionably) could be triggered to deliver a high-volt charge when opened. so a mugging would go like this:

mugger: gimme yo' cash mofo!!
me: ok ok, just don't hurt me, i have 5 kids back home that need their papi!
mugger: shut yer pie-hole and fork over the lift!
me: lift?!? ok ok, here's my wallet! *wink
mugger: let's see what i scored... ZZZZZZTTT!!! *mugger hits the ground
me: i got you good you fucker!!! *kick *kick *peeeeee

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

laser cage!!

holy crap... this is one of the best things i've stumbled across on the internet in a while...


(Click the craziness if you want to go to the source)

Friday, March 13, 2009

comcast loves me

Last october I decided to cut off my cable, since my promotion ended and I would be paying around $100 a month for cable that I barely watch (up from about $50). so I made the move, but for whatever reason i kept on getting the signal and was told that I didn't need to bring back the cable box. Then a few weeks ago i get a call from comcast telling me i'm going to be charged $430 if I don't bring back the box. so I figured my free-ride was over. Then a few days later I get a letter from them telling me that my internet speed is being increased, and at the bottom of the letter it says something like:
"and for being such a loyal comcast customer we'd like to offer you 12 months of basic cable for free!"
So I brought back my old box and the letter with me to comcast. I gave back the old box and mentioned the offer to the 3 people behind the counter. They all looked at me like I was nuts, and then asked if I had the letter with me. So I took out the letter, which was stained with Indian food, and showed it to them. To my surprise they'd never seen or heard of this before. they had to consult a manager. After about a half hour’s worth of waiting and talking I was indeed the first person in their system to come in and claim this promotion, they think it’s because I’ve never been late on a payment in over 5 years. So I got a new cable box and requested the HD box, which will cost me $15 a month, which is the only thing i'm paying for my cable. They also had me schedule an appointment for them to turn on my cable. I actually told the girl that I’d rather they didn’t since I’ve been getting cable the whole time but she said it was required… so I sadly went along with it, figuring that when they came I’d lose all the digital channels and be stuck with booty-ass basic.
My plan was to stay home when the guy came and try and smooth talk him… but then it dawned on me to try and call Comcast and just cancel the appointment… so I did. I told them that I used to have service and when I connected my box it seemed like the service was still working… and they didn’t need to waste time sending someone. Of course I didn’t mention that I was still getting a bunch of channels I’m not paying for… so yea, I’m getting all the digital channels and HBO for free, BUT I don’t have on-demand and the guide doesn’t display what’s on… but I’m not complaining.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

the cute baby gene

i ran into my boss at the elevators while leaving work yesterday, so i was stuck walking with her for about 4 blocks until i got to my bus stop. not that i don't like my boss, i just don't feel like making chit-chat sometimes, and this was one of those times. anyway, we talked about some bullsense (i accidentally combined bullshit and nonsense yesterday) for a while then we started talking about cute animals, then cute babies, probably because i mentioned how i couldn't believe that my niece was already one. then this exchange occurred:

boss: "i think i missed the cute baby gene."
me: "you mean you weren't a cute baby?!?"
boss: "...no, i mean i don't find babies overly cute."

was it her poor phrasing or my idiocy? i don't know... but i felt like a dick afterward.

Monday, January 5, 2009

probably the best purchase of 2008 (logitech harmony 550)

this is going to sound really nerdy and probably make me seem even lazier than people already think i am... but the annual award for the best purchase of the year- 2008 goes to.............. my logitech harmony 550 universal remote!!!!


if it were to make an acceptance speech it would probably be really concise, accurate and efficient.

my friend from work (who i refer to as "the work turk" since he's turkish) turned me onto the idea of getting one of these fancy remotes. i've never really looked into them so i figured they just controlled all your shit with one remote... but oh no... i was wrong. the real cool shit happens after you use the software to setup all your devices and answer some questions about how you use all your junk. you setup your "activities" such as "watch tv" or "play ps3" or "listen to radio", these activites are present on the little lcd screen. so if you were to press the "watch tv" button the remote will turn on all the appropriate devices and set them to the corresponding setting (video mode, audio channel). it made me realize what a pain in the ass it was to have 5 remotes laying around.
would i be taking it too far if i were to buy a wall light-switch with a dimmer for my bedroom that i could control with this remote?!?!?